Recovery: Rock Bottom & Coming to Oneself – Part 1 October 12, 2026   Recovery programs define “rock bottom” as the point of total loss and despair where an individual has lost their business, finances, family, or home, leaving them with no job, no money, or nowhere to go.   My “rock bottom” began when my hidden sin came into the light and I could no longer avoid the consequences of my choices. I had damaged trust and relationships that mattered deeply to me. The people closest to me didn’t try to protect me from the pain and consequences my choices had produced. Those consequences were uncomfortable and painful. They were also necessary and appropriate.   Recovery describes this as me hitting “rock bottom” — a recognition that consequences were necessary because without them, I might have been able to avoid the painful reality of what my unhealthy choices were producing.   But experiencing consequences wasn’t the same thing as me changing. At some point, I had to do something.   I ...READ POST

Reflections: Expecting Something Different October 5, 2026   For much of my life, I expected my relationship with God to produce certain outcomes. If I prayed, trusted Him, and faithfully did what I believed He was asking me to do, then something circumstantially good would come from it (e.g., provision, healing, “open doors,” restored relationships, etc.).   When those prayers were answered, I saw them as evidence that I was succeeding in whatever I believed God was asking me to do. God was “blessing” me.   But I’ve wrestled with those expectations for most of my life. Because what happens when the prayer wasn’t answered? What does that say about my faith? What does it say about God? What does it say about my understanding of blessing? And what am I actually supposed to expect from Him?   I think I’m finally becoming comfortable with an answer I wasn’t previously willing to accept: I’m less convinced that favorable circumstances are the outcomes He has ...READ POST

Reflections: When God Is Disappointing September 28, 2026   For years, much of my prayer life centered around asking God to change something.   Heal this.   Provide this.   Restore this relationship.   Make this successful.   Open this door.     And when those things didn’t happen, I often interpreted the unchanged circumstance as God not acting, not answering, or not coming through.   Eventually, I realized my disappointment wasn’t just with the circumstances. I was disappointed in my relationship with God.   Lately, I’ve been asking myself an uncomfortable question: Did God actually give me a reason to expect those outcomes?   I still believe I can ask God for healing, provision, reconciliation, or anything else I desire. But I’m beginning to recognize how easily my desires become expectations. And when those expectations aren’t met, I can begin measuring God’s faithfulness and goodness by something He never actually promised.   So my prayers have been changing.   I’m praying less for God to change my circumstances and more for His help participating in what is actually happening.   Help me understand ...READ POST

Reflections: Releasing the Outcomes September 21, 2026   I’ve finally decided to embrace that some things in life don’t turn out the way I expected.   Some relationships fade. Others change, shifting from friendships to acquaintances. People I assumed understood our family’s dynamics and struggles have left us feeling uncared for and abandoned. Conversations I hoped would bring resolution have instead created more questions and confusion.   (To be fair, and less dramatic, other relationships have grown deeper where I assumed no interest was there. This has been encouraging!)   But it hasn’t just been relationships.   There have been circumstances where I’ve put in the effort, applied what I know, demonstrated enormous faith, and felt confident in my ability to do what was in front of me, only to have the outcome still be disappointing.   The funds weren’t there.   The healing never came.   The prophecy was left unfulfilled.   The response, analytics, and “success” were far lower (or completely absent) than my efforts warranted.   Someone’s commitment suddenly changed, and I was ...READ POST

The Weight We Carry September 14, 2026   Pregnancy has always fascinated me. It’s truly one of those things that we normalize because of how common it is. But nevertheless, it is a miracle.   Two people, a flash of light, and a separate soul is brought into existence. Two become three.   A woman becomes more than just herself. She becomes a mother and a life source to a separate soul that is found literally within her own body.   It is majestic and powerful, and it’s about as common as having pizza on Friday nights.     I think one of the reasons I have personally never taken it for granted is because it has always been out of reach for me.   I have the honor and privilege of calling myself a mother only because of loss and pain.   My journey into motherhood could only take place because of another woman’s brokeness and heartache.   I have had the joy of watching my children grow and mature, and I ...READ POST

Reflections: Staying Engaged September 7, 2026   Over the past several months, I’ve had more difficult experiences and conversations than I can count.   Some conversations have gone better than I expected.   Others have gone exactly as badly as I feared — not because of the outcome, but because I froze, fumbled my words, or struggled to stay present.   I’ve apologized. I’ve listened. I’ve answered difficult questions. I’ve tried to own what belongs to me without defending myself or explaining it away.   And through all of it, I’ve been learning how incredibly difficult it is for me to simply stay engaged amid discomfort.     When I become overwhelmed or uncomfortable in an experience, I want so badly to withdraw.   Not physically. I’ll stay in the room or keep having the conversation.   But mentally and emotionally, I want to check out.   I want to stop listening with curiosity. I want to retreat into my own thoughts. I want to rehearse what I should have said or anticipate what ...READ POST

Walk with Me August 31, 2026     A clever trick I was taught in ministry school was to invite someone to walk with me if they had something to discuss.   You see, my training school was located in a large church with endless hallways, and it was extremely common to need to move from one end of the campus to the other in the course of the day. All the students and leadership of the school were given endless tasks and responsibilities. The work was never done.   To save time, I would walk really fast, with purpose, from point A to point B.   If someone was in the middle of a meeting with me and I had to go, I would just tell them, “Walk with me.” Or if they needed to speak to me but I was completely booked, I could offer them the walking time that I had.   If you were the individual with lesser standing, your conversation would ...READ POST

I Used to Have More to Say August 17, 2026   The first time I was inspired to write was when I was a teenager.   Full of angst and vision. My words were too big for my life in Western Michigan. My thoughts felt too complex for a story or a written idea. I only found my outlet in poetry.   My poetry was grandiose and full of words pulled from the Romantic poets and classic literature that I loved to read. My very first email address was theladyofshallott82@_______.com. At that point, I was more committed to Tennyson than any guy I was currently crushing on.   My vocabulary is amazing, and my spelling is absolutely hopeless. Without spellcheck, I would be considered barely literate.   I basically read my way through high school, barely stopping to glare at my math textbook or lie to my mom about how much of my foreign language program I was actually doing.   I used to have a deal with myself that if ...READ POST

What If the Way You See It Isn’t the Truth? August 10, 2026   When I (Lacey) was 12, I got my first pair of glasses.   They were pink tortoise shell.   I have reddish-blonde hair, freckles, and very fair skin, so this was an unfortunate choice. Apparently my mother did not love me enough to intervene.   But I loved those glasses.   Mostly because for the first time, I could see.   On the drive home, I kept pulling them on and off my face, amazed that there were actual words on billboards and details on buildings I had never noticed before.   Nothing around me had changed.   I had.   Or more specifically, my lenses had.   I think we all walk through life wearing lenses. Some were formed in childhood. Some came through rejection, loss, betrayal, or disappointment. Others came from moments we barely remember.   And without realizing it, we begin interpreting everything through them.   Someone leaves, and the lens says: Everyone leaves.   Someone rejects us, and the lens says: There must be something wrong with me.   Someone we trusted ...READ POST

When Failure Makes You Question Everything August 3, 2026   When my hidden sin came to light, the damage extended far beyond my own family.   Over the past several months, I know many have been wrestling with honest questions like: If someone who taught freedom wasn’t living in freedom, is any of it actually true? Is transformation even possible?   My sin does not change the character of Jesus. It doesn’t diminish the hope found in him, nor does it invalidate the truth of the gospel. But healing cannot begin without complete honesty.     Thorough healing — whether mine, my family’s, or others’ — cannot begin until I own my part in the broken relationships. One of the most important lessons I’ve been learning is that every relationship I’ve broken through my choices must begin with the same confession: “I am the one who broke trust”.   This is simply acknowledging reality. Others have had to make difficult decisions because of my actions, and I have to own ...READ POST