For much of my life, I expected my relationship with God to produce certain outcomes. If I prayed, trusted Him, and faithfully did what I believed He was asking me to do, then something circumstantially good would come from it (e.g., provision, healing, “open doors,” restored relationships, etc.).
When those prayers were answered, I saw them as evidence that I was succeeding in whatever I believed God was asking me to do. God was “blessing” me.
But I’ve wrestled with those expectations for most of my life. Because what happens when the prayer wasn’t answered? What does that say about my faith? What does it say about God? What does it say about my understanding of blessing? And what am I actually supposed to expect from Him?
I think I’m finally becoming comfortable with an answer I wasn’t previously willing to accept: I’m less convinced that favorable circumstances are the outcomes He has promised from a relationship with Him.
That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped believing in God’s blessing. I’m just beginning to understand His blessing differently.
I still believe God can provide, heal, restore relationships, and change circumstances. I can desire those things. I can ask Him for them. And I can be incredibly grateful when they happen. But I don’t think I can make those outcomes the evidence that God is blessing me.
I’m beginning to see that blessing isn’t a guarantee that my circumstances will prosper or that everything will be provided for. Rather, blessing is an opportunity for me to prosper within my circumstances, knowing that He will provide what I need to accomplish what He is asking of me.
Jesus describes our relationship with him in John 14–16 as abiding in him. I’ve been thinking about what an “abiding” relationship with him means in light of how the Scriptures use belief, faith, trust, and dependence.
Belief: Do I believe he exists and that what he says is true?
Faith: Do I believe he is faithful and good?
Trust: Do I believe he will do what he says he will do?
Dependence: Will I rely upon him to provide what I need while taking responsibility for what he has asked me to do?
Those distinctions have become increasingly important to me. Believing God can do something isn’t the same as trusting Him to do something He hasn’t promised. Having faith in His goodness doesn’t mean I know how He will work my circumstances out. And depending upon Him doesn’t mean waiting for Him to do what He’s actually told me to do. It means I can remain connected to Him, participate with the Holy Spirit, and trust Him to provide what I need to faithfully engage what is in front of me.
And that’s exactly why I’m beginning to recognize blessing differently.
My circumstances haven’t become easier (in fact, in many ways, they’ve become considerably more difficult). But I’m learning to stay present when I want to disappear or become overwhelmed. I’m learning to inventory my feelings instead of passively numbing out. I’m learning to take responsibility for what is mine without trying to control the outcome. I’m learning to tell the truth, remain engaged, release outcomes, and become more comfortable with discomfort.
My circumstances don’t necessarily feel very “blessed”.
But in some incredibly important ways, I am.
Emotionally.
Mentally.
Spiritually.
Relationally.
And none of that means I’ve figured everything out.
I haven’t.
It doesn’t mean every day feels peaceful or that I always respond well.
I don’t.
But something internally has transformed.
And that’s why I’m no longer sure that answered prayers, favorable circumstances, or successful outcomes are the best evidence that God is blessing me.
I’ve discovered a more appropriate question: What is my relationship with Him producing within me?
Am I learning to love when fear makes me want to withdraw?
Am I becoming more patient when outcomes aren’t happening the way I want or when I want them?
Am I growing in peace even when everything around me feels overwhelmingly chaotic and uncontrollable?
Am I becoming more faithful despite deeply struggling with the desire to numb out?
Am I learning to depend upon Him while still taking responsibility for what is mine to do? (And knowing the difference between the two.)
I’m not learning to expect less from God. I’m learning to expect that, as I abide in Jesus and participate with the Holy Spirit, God will bless me emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
And if He blesses me circumstantially, I can be thankful without it becoming a future expectation.
And right now, I’m comfortable with that answer.
With hope,
Nathan
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